Thursday, December 24, 2009,12:30 AM
What a day.
I feel that im not myself today.
Easier said, im down.
My negative aura is too strong that i was amazed by what the people surrounding me does.
In the toilet, currently ematting negative aura, people actually leave the toilet. Not just leave, but dashed. When i look into the mirror, i realised why they had run.
My eyes was pure black. Black with anger, sadness, frustration. All at once. I sighed and went outside to cool off the feeling.
Met him late. His negative aura was strong the moment i saw him on his doorstep. Too strong. From there, i did not make any eye-contact with him. It's not that i don't want to. But i just can't. I felt too guilty after what i have done. Being late. Again. Countless of times. *sigh* During his silat training, i somehow felt uncomfortable since i don't know his friends. Getting scolded by him. *sigh* Hence, sitting from afar. Being safe.
Being safe from what?
From fear.
Im sorry. Im sorry im like this. Im sorry i can't adapt to new people. Im sorry i make you angry. Im sorry i didn't listen to you. Im sorry for being stubborn. Like what you said. Yes, it hurts sometimes. But i couldn't blame you. I blame myself. For being, me. This rebellious stubborn person. Sometimes i wonder why i am like this. Maybe to those bad memories of my upbringing? The negativity of it?
Maybe.I just don't know why i can't adapt to new people. But i know i could adapt to certain people. I don't know how i knew it, but i just did. Im such a weird person.
Another thing. On the way home, being disturbed by 3 fucking matreps. Fucking irritating, that i blew my top off them. People living nearby stuck out the heads by their windows just to see the commotion. Think free uh? Pay tax you know. Ish.
Overall, Negative aura that just can't stop ematting from meGuiltyGetting scoldedMatreps = Kene makiWhat a day ey?
Labels: Fucked up day.
